But none of these questions I was asking myself were the right ones. I was searching for all the wrong answers. So I had to do some soul searching to find the right ones. And realized I was asking all the wrong questions. What can I learn? Who can I help? What is this experience going to teach me today?
The Lord has his own timing. His own way of preparing each of us to get where we are going. Who am I to question what he has in store. What he is planning for my future. At this point in my life I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be. I know without a doubt that because of the spirit I found the right doctors and through the spirit they were able to determine what was wrong. It's so rare of a disease that people can go years without a single answer. They just continue to get sick to the point where they are no longer able to recover. I know without the tinniest doubt that by each small miracle the Lord is showing me each and everyday that he is here. And how much he loves me.
This brings me to my new creed. Throughout all this experience it has showed that we can't control everything. You can go your whole life thinking you are in complete control of your body but when something like this hits it shows you that you are really only in control of one thing. The very thing that I hold most dear. My attitude. This is where my new creed for life has officially come in. The morning of one of my surgeries my amazing older sister sent me this in a text wishing me luck before heading down to the OR. I was scared out of my mind but for some reason this text meant the world to me and has officially become a part of my very existence.
For some reason this simple picture hit me with such force. Who can tell me that today can't be amazing? No one. Only I can decide that today is going to be the best day of my life. Even better than the day before no matter how hard. No matter what today holds it has the potential to be the most amazing day of my life. It has every opportunity to become the most memorable of all. Just let it.
Now as I sit here on a long road to recovery and a life long battle I know without a doubt that I can take this "opportunity" and make it change my life for the better. If I let it, it will strengthen me beyond anything I have ever endured. This illness won't define me. It won't destroy me. It will make me stronger than I ever have ever been before. It will become a part of me and though hard at times I will pick myself up along with my new creed and make everyday better than the one before. Each day I will just simply be grateful to be here. To be alive. To be blessed beyond measure. So... Go have a good day today. Because no one can ever tell you, you can't. No one.
